Q. Why do allow my son to dominate my life. My son and daughter in law along with my grandson all live together at my home. Mind you I pay the mortgage and all bills coming into the house. The reason they are here is because they moved from up North and being family they are not settled yet. I have no problem at all with him staying here with his family. His wife wants to move out she is finishing up school and says she needs her space and I agree. My son does not want to go. And I can’t make him. His wife on the other hand say’s she is going no matter what. I also sent my son to school in England to get a good education so he could take care of himself. I feel I am a good mother.

On the other side of the coin, my son has such a jealous streak if I talk to anyone of the opposite sex. I have a very good friend that I enjoy and my son hates it. I could never allow him to come to my home. A couple of weeks ago I was at lunch with friends and he went my job and because I was not there he stormed to the restaurant to see who I was with.  Is this normal behavior for a 26 year old man with a family? Maybe because I am his mother I fee bad but I don’t say anything to him about it.

If you see something I don’t please help me to se it too. 

A. I am so happy that you are a close knit family but all of this comes with a price. No, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being close, but we have to figure out the difference in being close and being controlled. There are several issues her to deal with. One prominent issue is why is your son the way he is? Why do you as a parent allow his behavior? 

Let’s deal with the first issue of your son’s behavior. From what I can see you have been a contributing factor for most of his life. You probably never saw any of this as a problem because he is your son. And you probably were never in a relationship. But even if you were, never forget you are the mother here and you should take control of the situation. I too have children and I am close to them but I have control. This control is not a power struggle but rather respect. I let them know I deserve to be happy and I will be. They are not my man (I have boys) and need to stay in their place. I pay bills in my home and so I call the shots. It’s as   simple as that. I love my children but when they are gone I am alone.

Confused you need to sit down and have a long talk with your son about the fact of who is in charge of what home. He is married and needs to have control of his own and not yours.  As for him coming to the restaurant and checking on you, when he called you should have in you calmest voice upon his asking where you were, said “son I am out of the office now is this an emergency? If he persists in his behavior close the phone slowly. When he calls back, if his tone is the same repeat the process if necessary. It was none of his concern to know where you were. Take charge of your life. Also when his wife is ready to move, help him pack and if necessary pay for the move let him know you agree they need space and  that you love him but he must keep his family together.

 Last point as a mother you need to be happy and realize you have given him and good foundation to live by. Now he must build on it and strengthen his family ties with his wife and son. Give him the o.k. to go. As mothers we need to strengthen our sons for life on their own and not keep them little boys. Our society if full of men not taking on their responsibility as men and fathers. Mother’s let us not be the cause for that. Confused in the question above it was you who asked why you allow you son to dominate you? Figured it out yet?

                                     The Mistress!