Mistress Of Love

Do you have a relationship problem? Something bothering you?
Email the ‘Mistress of Love’ caramale11@gmail.com 

Is it Him or Me?

I am so refreshed and ready to go!  I will soon be in Virginia and have the chance to SEE OLD FRIENDS AND MAKE NEW ONES..

Alright let's get to the  information at hand.

I received a question which read this way: I am recently divorced and was married for 6 years to a man I truly loved. I was under the impression he too loved me.  However, during our  marriage he would have women call his phone but I dismissed it because he is a barber and has clients.  The calls never stopped and he began hitting me in front of our young child and she began role playing with her dolls in the same manner we would act. In the beginning I did not pay it any attention but a family member bought it to my attention and I was speechless!  You see when I was growing up my mother was abused in the same manner and now I see I have not broken the pattern but am teaching my daughter it is alright.  But Mistress, I do not want her to keep thinking this is correct behavior for a woman to be beat by her husband so I left.

But, I guess I still love him because just recently I followed him to the mall and found out he was with another woman.  My ex and his  girlfriend took my daughter out for her birthday.  He had called a couple of months before and needed money for a deposit on a apartment and I gave him the money.  My family think I am crazy because he has another women and does not pay child support.  I am a very educated woman (college grad) and have a well paying job but I guess that means nothing when you want to make your marriage work but it has no substance. 

I am so confused as to how to break the cycle and cannot figure out why he still asks me for money when he has another woman and does not want me.  Why do I fall for him every time he calls?  Sometime I call 30 or more times because I cannot reach him on the phone.  Keep in mind he does not call our child.  It  just makes me so angry he can spend  more time with other women and not his child.

I really need help!

Divorced

 

Answer:  As I read this I feel so sad for the child who has parents who do not love themselves. She suffers because neither of you can find any love for her. Imagine as she grows up how will she know how special she is if  she is not shown love?  Does this mean giving her the material  things you feel she needs?   No!  It means allowing her to be a young child and playing without a care.  Remember she has missed that

As a mother you must keep in mind how you felt as a child and where you have ended up. Please keep in mind you are very special and if you need therapy to come to that realization do so. What I see is a woman who says she is still in love with a man who does not want any dealings with her and has moved on with his life. You however keep yourself attached by giving him what he ask for to stay a part of his life. Do you think doing this will make him want you more? Has he show in any kind of way he wants you back? Not to me due to the fact he has another woman and they both use you for their needs. Do not feel like a  martyr by feeling if you suffer its a good thing. Trust me it doesn't make you feel good, rather the opposite. You start feeling bad and your self esteem drops even more because you know you were used by someone who cares nothing about you or your child.

As far as your divorce you did it because it was what you should have done. Not because of the things he did to you and your child, one reason you still do things for him is to avoid closure on you part. Notice he moved on.  Follow his lead, get a hold on your life and become the beautiful woman you are and concentrate on your child for once. She has no one. Let her know you are there for her. 

As for your ex, he only does what you allow. You married a very immature person but you thought you could change him. People only change when they feel they have a problem. Notice he stayed in his path and you keep following. He never invited you. Final thought, you are divorced right?

So who's to blame? You decide!

 

Email me at: caramale11@gmail.com

The Mistress!